Stuff I Dislike: “Twilight”

The story of an uber-clingy girl and a stalker.

I actually do have some semblance of knowledge of the Twilight series. Largely, it is in excerpts from the series of books – the original book, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn – published in The New York Times and TIME magazine. Partially, it is in the few minutes of commercials for the films of the first two books (not to mention when I walked into my mother’s room to see her watching the film). But a part of it is – and this is just a disclaimer – from other blogs and my own unfounded opinion of the works.

The gist of the series: Bella Swan (played in the films by Kristen Stewart) moves to Washington, falls in love with a statuesque vampire, Edward (the perpetually-seemingly-stoned Robert Pattinson), knowing he’s a vampire – people try to kill them, they survive. But Edward feels sad, moves away – enter a werewolf , Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who becomes the new love interest. A crappy Romeo & Juliet-styled plot leads to Bella and Edward back together. Bella then has two paths – live with Edward or live with Jacob – chooses the former, people try to kill them, they fail. Edward and Bella get married, have a child – big no-no in the vampire world – with Bella in the end becoming a vampire by Edward to save her life. Everyone lives forever nice and happy (not to mention sappy).

The first beef I have with the series is fairly superficial. I hate that whole The Twilight Saga meta-title, only for the reason that every time I see “The Twilight” across my local movie theater’s marquee, I think, “Wow, they’re screening The Twilight Zone film! Awesome!” only to be let down by “Saga.”

But my disdain for the series goes deeper than that. First of all, I can’t stand comparisons between Twilight and the Harry Potter series. Harry Potter is a fantastical story of good defeating evil, but with a subtle spectrum thereof – it shows that everyone has inner demons, no one is perfect, but one has to battle those inner demons to succeed – and it’s also a story of fantasy, an effluently written story praised across the board. Twilight ain’t even written fluently – simply put, it’s written by a near-teenage girl for teenage (and near-teenage) girls. Some of the ideas (e.g., the pregnancy breaking her spine) make no sense. Furthermore, it’s a story of a girl who while intelligent and beautiful, still has incredibly low self-esteem and depends on the “love” of her stalkerish boyfriends.

What annoys me the most, though, is how it takes the great monster works and turning them on their heads – instead of burning in the sun, these vampires glisten! Instead of feasting on human blood, these are the vegans of the vampire world, choosing animal blood instead! Further, it takes all great works of romance and strangling them with a shopping bag – creating an obviously unhealthy and undesirable relationship and making it what all young girls want their future boyfriend to be – on the one hand extremely cordial, but on the other entirely creepy.

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One thought on “Stuff I Dislike: “Twilight”

  1. Pingback: Stuff I Dislike: Twilight Daniel Pecoraro’s Random Musings and … « Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Online

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