I’m not a fan of comic books. In fact, the only three comic books I have in my collection are Star Trek comic books (sad, I know). But I DO like superhero movies and whatnot. (BTW, I can’t stand the WB [or, as I like to call him, the WC] for not greenlighting the Aquaman series, and further for canceling Reba.) The rivalries between a hero and his or her nemesis is as mythical as Achilles and Hector in The Iliad (or for you illiterate folk who are inconceivably reading this blog, Brad Pitt and Eric Bana in Troy). So, here are my Top 5:
5. Aquaman vs. Black Manta
For some reason or another, for a time, my favorite supervillain was none other than Aquaman. You have to admit, being able to swim underwater without having to go up to breathe and use echolocation to talk to aquatic critters is kinda cool. And the golden tights and green gloves? Awesome. But Black Manta is probably the stupidest villain ever. All he can do – breathe underwater, super strength – comes from his suit. He’s like the Jacques Cousteau of supervillains – he just gets by on awesome SCUBA gear, and nothing else. Absolutely pitiful.
4. Captain Hammer vs. Dr. Horrible
I have a bit of a soft spot in my heart for Dr. Horrible. Neil Patrick Harris as a singing, bumbling supervillain who’s “got a Ph. D. in horribleness” is just adorable. Plus, the welding goggles and the suit just scream “future Halloween costume.” Similarly, Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) is the perfect anti-hero. Brash and narcissistic, he’ll do anything to boost his self-image, whether or not he gives a damn about it. It’s a bit of a one-sided rivalry for sure, but at least it’s a funny one.
3. Captain Planet vs. Sly Sludge
Sly Sludge, according to the venerable Wikipedia, is “An unscrupulous waste disposer who represents ignorance and the dangers of short-term thinking.” I see him as a litterer to the nth power. Seriously, the guy forges a permit with the National Park Service to dump nuclear waste into Yellowstone, and then dumps nuclear waste in Yellowstone! Seriously, the dude was pretty badass – no disregard for anything. But he’s always foiled by the great Captain Planet – using the powers of earth, air, fire, water, and heart (who knew that heart was a mythical element?), he saves the day with awesome environmentalism. Ted Turner, you were before your time in making everything green.
2. Batman and The Joker, The Dark Knight
ber-horrendous Batman and Robin (George Clooney, you are a great man, but you are not Batman), Christian Bale as Batman in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight is a welcome change. Personally, I love Batman, because he doesn’t need superpowers coming from radioactive spiders or gamma rays; instead, he has brains and ridiculously cool gadgetry. Similarly, the Joker just has zero empathy and wants to make people suffer. And he can do magic – just watch him make a pencil disappear!
Just like I love Batman for his brains and gadgetry, I love Scarecrow for his…lack of conscience and gadgetry. He uses fear to the utmost advantage to help cronies in Arkham Asylum, making the Narrows a place nobody wants to go. Simply put, you wouldn’t want to mess with his fear spray – nor do you want to mess with a man in a burlap mask.
Anyone I should have chosen? The Green Lantern? The Green Hornet? The Green Giant? Mark Sanchez of Gang Green (who I’m cheering for today in about 20 minutes)? Leave it in the comments.